Sunday's regular contractions were not the real deal evidently. I decided to just go to bed at 11:30 because we weren't sure if they'd keep progressing or not, but the contractions went to sleep too I guess. Every time I would wake up I'd notice a contraction, but just like every other night. In the morning they were far apart and irregular again. So, unfortunately there's still no baby.
Now I just need to vent for a bit because I have so many crazy emotions going on right now. I feel so anxious for Baby Z to be here with me, I feel really sad that my mom is probably going to miss it and maybe my Dad too, and mostly I'm starting to get really afraid (like, more scared than I've been in a long time) that I will literally be all by myself when he makes his debut. Preston's had the last week and a half off of school and work, but has to go back on Monday next week which will start his busy schedule and my Dad leaves on Monday too. So, if this kiddo doesn't come in the next few days and decides to be right on time or late then I'll be coming home to a house that will be filled with me trying to recover, Brayden needing attention and a new little baby needing basically everything. Last week would have been PERFECT timing. At least on my watch. I don't want to sound like I will have zero help from Preston because he is a wonderful helper and husband. But, he has to do what he has to do. Which would be working and school.
Besides all those feelings that make me wish the baby would come already, I'm really loving the anticipation of how and when the baby will come and I want to have it naturally without being induced like I was with Brayden. I never got to start my own labor with him and I'm excited for it to happen. I also still feel so strongly that my Heavenly Father is well aware of me and my situation and that the babe will come at the perfect time in the grand scheme of things. It's just nice when that time table lines up with mine. But, to be quite honest, other than not having any help, I don't care if the baby is late even. I would never ever had guessed he would be, but it won't bother me. I just hope that I handle everything well. I know I
can do anything and everything required of me because the Lord truly will provide a way. But, it doesn't mean that I can do it easily or that I won't mess up and try too hard to rely on myself or focus on what I'm not doing right. I think that's what's striking the most fear into me is that I'm starting to realize that at this point, my Mom basically won't be here to help even if I start labor now and Preston and my Dad will only be able to help through the weekend. So it's looking like what's "best" is going to be a growing experience for me and not as easy as I was planning.
OK, enough venting. Yes, I'm scared and excited at the same time but I know everything will work out. Thanks for listening. . . I just need to get it out sometimes.
PS- more regular contractions going on as we speak. About 8 minutes apart. But, I'm really not getting hopes up. Just keeping track.
