Walking in the Dark

You know those moments that you feel like you really can't see where you're going or how to get there? I'm having one of those moments right now.  I usually wouldn't post something about our personal finances, but I am.

The bottom line is that Preston's making $1000 less per month from now on than he did for his first year and we were basically making what we spent then. Now, we have an extra child and even after redoing the budget we are spending $850 more than we make EVERY MONTH! I calculated that to mean that if we live off of our savings and loan money (which we wanted to pay off and can since we refinanced) then we'd be running out of money in 14 months. We should be here at least 19 more months. I know the obvious reaction would be "why did you have another kid?" or "didn't you see this coming?" and all I can say is that we did know he'd be making less, but not exactly how much and we also knew that having a baby would add more financial burden.  But I'd do that again if I had the choice. 

The truth is, we've been slacking on our finances for over a year now! I'm sure it was the adversary sneaking into our lives. We used to be so diligent in tracking every little receipt on a self-designed excel sheet that was very effective for a while. But, just before we moved to Florida our system was becoming less effective for us. Too much busy work. We thought once we moved we'd try and start over and change things how they need to be. Since then, we'll take a look at the statements every now and then, see how much is in the bank, etc. But we haven't been good with budgeting like we used to be. We just mentally track what we think we've spent. And we all know how well that doesn't work. So, I had no clue what this income change would mean. Now that I've sat down to get back into things, I see we're in trouble. 

The good news: we know we're where we need to be and that Preston is in the program that he needs to be. 

The bad news: we still need money to survive and now need to figure out either a job for me or just living off of student loans (which I know is normal for many of you!).

That's why I feel so in the dark of how everything's going to work. How will we survive until graduation? I don't know.  I wish I could see even a little light, but I can't. For now, I just have to have faith that the light will come and that we get to tighten up our spending. I sense more mac and cheese dinners. . . at least it tastes good :)

Again, I don't know why I felt to post about something so personal. Maybe someone knows of a good job opportunity.  Maybe its for my own way of getting stress out. Whatever the reason, here it is. We're in trouble.  The phrase that comes to mind. . . "Come what may, and love it." A good reminder that there's so much to love about life whatever the circumstances!

Catch up through pictures

Brayden was obsessed with this swing we got at a consignment
 sale a few weeks ago. He doesnt get in much anymore.

cute scrunched sleeping face

big smile! I love how his eyes close when he smiles so big.

Playing with Anna

I just like these overalls

Brayden's always been a lip sucker. When he was first
born we said he had ducky lips because he would
suck his bottom lip so that his top lip would stick out
like a duck bill.  Just one of those cute Braydenisms.

Zander watching conference with us on the couch.

The swing that is a true tender mercy! Zander does not like to get laid down, but he'll usually be content and even sleep here during the day. Back saver.

I gave in to Brayden one morning and let him go play with Sadie outside. As you can see, she runs so much during the day that our grassy backyard has a huge mud hole in the middle. Brayden loves dirt, so of course that's where he would go play too.

The little muddy feet. Good thing it all came out in the wash!

Our new DVD case in an attempt to keep Brayden out! He's ruined a couple of his DVDs because they get so scratched from him dropping them, etc.

My cute boy with no clothes because we were doing Thrush treatment that stains everything. We got away with NO STAINS other than an old T-shirt I would wear during the days that he used the Gentian violet stuff.

Here's his purple mouth. (I'm not sure if the Thrush is really gone yet. I'm so bad at being able to see if it's abnormally white or not. . . He goes to the doctor in a couple weeks and I'll ask. Otherwise we'll have to start again I guess.)

A little froggy buddy in our backyard. Right next to the weeds. . .

The biggest dragonfly I've ever seen was sitting on our window the other day.

He was huge!

This is Preston's Christmas gift. I'm not a fan of early Christmas gifts, but I know this is what he wants. I found a new one on craigslist for a great price and decided I'd better just pick it up now. He still hasn't found it, so no spilling the beans! I'm just waiting for him to decide to mow the lawn again and I'll try and have the camera ready :)

Brayden chose a huge serving spoon to use one day. It was great.

We're getting in the Halloween spirit. Just decorated and picked out pumpkins. Yesterday Zander wore his cute dracula onsie. It's a little big, but I think it's a 3-6 month size, so it should be.

Brayden tried on his costume. You'll have to wait and see the whole thing because I'm fixing it up a little. I think we'll all be pretty cute in not-so-"cute" costumes. Brayden is a spider, Zander is going to be a fly and Preston and I will be the web. We'll all be the Web of Love :) hehe. But, really it'll be mostly funny when we're holding both boys.

My mom got us a double stroller which came yesterday! 

Brayden liked helping set it up :D
Really he was stuck and asking me to help him out,
but I decided to snap a picture first. Awful, right?

Sleep

I have been really lucky to have only felt exhausted of sleep a couple times since Zander was born. Once right after our road trip to Missouri and once last week. Not sure why last week, but there were a couple long nights in a row.

Get this, Preston offers to take care of Zander Saturday night so I can rest. Zander doesn't even wake up until Preston has to get ready for his meeting at 730! He slept for 8 and a half hours! Because we stayed up late watching BUY football so I was still pretty tired and Preston didn't actually have to wake up during the night, he agreed to take him again Sunday night. Zander slept all night again! I couldn't ask Preston to watch him again because I was feeling much better, so last night I was ready for Zan man to wake up several times just because I was in charge. But he slept all night once more!

Yeah, our nearly 2 month old is training himself to sleep all night. I'm the luckiest mommy. He's actually been cluster feeding himself for almost a month now so that the bedtime process of getting him fed and asleep takes about 2 hours every night. Starting at 530 ish every night he begins eating all the time. Literally All. The. Time. Then we get him ready for bed about 7 or 8 and start the bottle feeding. In about 2 hours he'll eat around 8 to 10 ounces. And that's after all his breastfeeding. No wonder he can last all night.

I'm really hoping that he keeps sleeping for 8 hours at night. I love sleep.

Here's to hoping!